Swap?
by Infinite Inficio
Summary: [Pure Crack] Sasuke gives Neji an offer that he wouldn't let him refuse. And what does this have to do with the youthful path to stardom?


_Crack-fic. Because I just feel like it and it's late night and I've just had an unreasonable amount of hyperactiveness-inducing food._

_**Summary:** 'So then I can do stuff your bizarro eyes can do. You should accept, and then, like, wear a hitai-ate over your no-pupils eye, so people can just see the attractive midnight black of mine!' Sasuke gives Neji an offer that he wouldn't let him refuse._

_**Warning:**Beware intended OOC-ness. And don't get me wrong, Neji and Sakura are my favourite characters. But not Sasuke. Watch out for character death._

_EDIT: Re-uploaded it to change spelling mistakes and crap. What the hell? "Green" on his face? I didn't type that..._

* * *

It was a wonderfully normal day in Konoha, so normal that it's not actually wonderful anymore.

'Yosh! It might be cold, and windy, and disturbingly, eerily quiet as if a traitor is going to suddenly jump out at us, but as long as we have the power of youth with us, we can make it!'

'Lee, it's just guard duty… And what is the chance of a traitor suddenly jumping out at us? Almost none!'

'It's not just guard duty, Neji! It is a job made for us young men, with youth still inside us!'

'…'

Suddenly, the wind blew harder, like how it usually does in horror movies.

Then WHAM!

Nothing happened.

'What was that?'

'It was nothing, Lee.'

Suddenly, smoke bombs appeared out of nowhere because I said so and engulfed the two jounins in… er, smoke.

'COUGH! COUGH!' Lee coughed loudly, in a can-be-considered-youthful way.

'Cough,' Neji coughed quietly, because Hyuugas were meant to act cool and not youthfully.

'Oh no! Who can be so unyouthful that they would chuck smoke bombs at us guard-'

'Kukukuku! It is I-'

'Who are you?' Neji questioned.

'Let me finish, goddamnit! I am the infamous traitor of the village!'

'Umm… Orochimaru?' Lee guessed.

'No!'

'Yosh! I know! Uchiha Itachi!'

'HOW DARE YOU MISTAKE ME FOR MY-'

'Guess I was wrong… Do you know, Neji?'

'No, I can't think of any other traitors…'

'GAHH! It's me, UCHIHA SASUKE!'

'…'

'The last survivor of the prestigious Uchiha clan? Rings a bell?'

'Oh!' both of the Konoha jounins exclaimed.

'You mean the one that made me run out from the hospital straight away after my operation was finished even though it was almost impossible to make it in time and got me drunk?'

'You mean the one that made me face off with Kidoumaru from the Yoninshuu who inflicted a large hole on me that would've otherwise killed me if I hadn't received medical help?'

'I did what?'

'It _is_ you! Damn you, traitor! We knew you were going to return!' Neji pointed at him.

'We recognised you from the start, judging from the lack of youth you possess!'

'But you-'

'We shall destroy you if you put even one foot in Konoha!' Lee added.

'Okay then, I won't go in Konoha.'

'Then what brings you here, Uchiha?' Neji asked. 'Cough, traitor, cough.'

'I have a deal to make with you, Hyuuga Neji!' Then Sasuke glanced at the Hyuuga prodigy dramatically.

Then Neji grinned so widely that it wasn't even funny.

'Me? OMG, that is so cool! People usually want to meet the Main House members, like Hinata-sama or something, but you actually wanted to see me!'

'Uh… yeah… You see, I want to-'

'Open the youthful path to stardom for Neji?'

'Yes, Mr Hyuuga, just sign here and- NO! It's nothing about stardom!'

Neji's face dropped slightly, but he wouldn't show it to anyone, because that's _so_ not Hyuuga of him.

Sasuke shooed Lee off, who surprisingly complied, because it was not youthful to go against another person's wishes.

'Hey, you know how the only people who have the Sharingan are Kakashi, my brother, and me?'

'It's actually "I", not "me"…'

'Who asked you anything?' Sasuke snapped. 'Anyway, you know how all of us are like, popular with the ladies?'

'That's because you're all talented, not because you have-'

'You're talented, but the girls are freaked out by you, you know why?'

'They're what? Umm… No…'

'It's because of that Byakugan! I mean, veins just start appearing around your eyes, and you don't have any pupils! Eww!'

'You mean girls find it a turn-off? I thought it was kinda mesmerising…'

'No, it's not. It's _totally_ ugh. Anyway, however weird and freaky it is, the Byakugan is still highly useful. But the Sharingan is still cooler, anyway.'

Neji twitched. 'Your point being?'

'I want to swap my left eye with yours.'

'You want to what with my what?'

'So then I can see those tenketsu whatnot, and I can do stuff your bizarro eyes can do. Well, you should accept you know, and then, like, wear a hitai-ate over your no-pupils eye, so then people can just see the attractive midnight black of mine.'

'No, absolutely not! I will not help a traitor gain more power!'

'But you'll be like, totally popular with the girls! Even though different coloured eyes might also be a turn-off… but you still get the cool Sharingan!'

'It's not that cool,' Neji huffed.

'Look!' Sasuke activated his. 'It has _three_ tomoes now, because I've matured it! Now _that's_ cool!'

'OMG! You're right, it _is_ cool! Okay, deal!'

So then Kabuto just appeared out of nowhere and carried a nasty-looking knife on his right hand.

He also wore a maniacal grin.

After that, Hyuuga Neji's scream was heard all over the village, but being the idiots they were, they decided to ignore it because it wasn't cool to help a Hyuuga.

The next day, Neji walked through the village with a grin, even though people were wondering why his left eye had a pupil now, and he was covering his right one with an eye-patch.

Reason being, it wasn't Hyuuga-like to copy other people's (for example, Kakashi) style.

Then when he got home, he didn't even glare at the Main House people, because he was in such a good mood. It's not everyday that someone offers to swap eyes with you.

He looked at the mirror, and tried to activate the cool, three-tomoe-owning Sharingan.

Wow! It was so cool that he could just die there right now and still be happy.

Suddenly, someone attacked him on the head, because now, with only one Byakugan, his vision is only about 178.5°, and he didn't have the chance to activate it anyway.

So he died right on the spot because yes, you can die from people hitting your head with a chair.

Especially when they had monstrous strength.

And it was no other than Haruno Sakura!

She laughed evilly, and with her awesome medical powers, she extracted the Sharingan out of Neji's eyeball socket, which is kinda gross, and replaced _her_ left eye with it.

'Muahaha! Now I have the awesome Sharingan to copy awesome jutsus with, and a part of Sasuke-kun in me! Am I so lucky or what?'

So then she ran away from the village and also became a missing-nin because killing a fellow shinobi was not well-looked upon in Konohagakure.

The next day Naruto bawled his eyes out because both of his friends are traitors now.

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_Umm... er, review?_


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